Sunday Reflections.

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The first week of January I found myself questioning all the things, and feeling this maddening, indivisible pressure to have my life goals and plans written out in a thousand page diary.

Oh the pressure of a new year.

You see, I have all these amazing changes I want to make, and so my wheels start to spin. Then I see something else I’d love to do… and jump on that train too. Before I knew it, my mind was spinning faster than a carnival ride, yet my spirit and body couldn’t quite make sense of what to do next.

As each day flew by, I still didn’t know what I wanted to pursue most. What my purpose in life is, and where my true passions lie. So I stayed in bed, sat on the couch, looked at Pinterest, and did nothing. Feeling the weight of each day compound into a massive shit storm in my heart.

Do I keep pursuing more of Alpine Baby Co, expanding clothing lines, and hiring other help?

Do I pursue my real passion for photography, although the local market is already highly saturated, and professional photographers undervalued.

Do I blog more, and document our days of desired slow living, and maintain our eco-friendly mindset?!

One thing I knew for certain was that I cannot do everything at an exceptional standard anymore.

Opportunity cost, opportunity lost. My children & husband have been paying the piper for far too long with commitments I had said “Yes” to, only out of need to help others… not to mention I can’t think straight anymore.

Side Note: I recently read “Present Over Perfect” by Shauna Niequist, and it changed my life… I highly recommend this book to anyone feeling strung out, but stuck in a cycle of busy.

I should also add that during the holiday season, I was so into doing it ALL that I literally forgot to take my depression meds… which I’ve been honestly suffering for during the past few weeks. I don’t get sad, I just feel like I have no purpose – and that is CLEARLY false to any sane person.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t put into words what I was feeling because of my condition. An Instagram friend of mine had once wrote about how she hadn’t been posting much lately, because every time she tried to write a caption – she was literally speechless.

That’s exactly how I feel when I’m in the depression fog… and here it was… FINALLY a new year, and I couldn’t get out of this hole.

So I started taking meds again, but they take a while to build in your system. I kept going about my days, taking each task as it came… and pretty soon I noticed something.

Here I was, looking at the short term or immediate visuals in my day – and NOT noticing the perfectly placed silver linings (which only required a small change in vision) God had painted for me.

Take a look…

I was hand washing the girls knits, and upfront this looked like a chore. An immediate ugh that took away from the fun things I wanted to do during the day.

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Look Closer…

There’s my silver lining. A beautiful reflection of a healthy, vibrant green plant in my window sill… right through the muddy water.

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And here…

Stuck in the truck with the kiddos, while Ry cuts down a tree. No cell service.

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CLOSER…

The beauty of the outdoors reflecting off of my phone. God telling me to put my distractions away, and open my eyes to the everyday goodness He’s placed before me.

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All it took was a small change in perspective, to turn my entire day around.

Friends, if you struggling with a circumstance, with a frustration, or with yourself… look around you and CHOOSE to see the light. I was stuck in a fog because I dwelled on it, on things that I could only touch with my hands – not the beauty around which I could see with my mind.

Whatever you FOCUS on, is what you’ll see.

Strive for the bigger picture, the long-term goals. Give yourself legitimate amounts of time to reach your dreams, not just overnight successes. Make a list each day of FIVE things you’re thankful for, and realign yourself with the beauty around you. It’s waiting there for you…

magic in the darkness.

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